Okay, so you’re in
deep. You are stuck in your head looking back on your life up until this point
and thinking to yourself, “I have wasted my whole life” or “I
have wasted most of my life”. Or maybe you are not quite fully there are you
are asking yourself, “have I wasted my life?” or “have I wasted
my entire life?”
If you are asking
these questions then I know that right now you are really struggling and you
are in deep in your own head. I know that because I have been there. I have
been there looking back on my life knowing that I have wasted huge amounts of
time not doing what I want, not doing what I knew I should have been doing. And
that lead to massive fears and feelings of having wasted my life.
Trust me when I say
I get it. Trust me when I say I know it sucks. But if you are in this deep,
then there is no beating around the bush. We have to attack this hard. Brace
yourself.
If you are reading this post then I am assuming this is not some smaller thought that you have wasted some time in your life, or even some large chunk of your life, but that you feel like you have genuinely wasted your whole life. If you want to read some of my advice on the feelings of wasting portions of your life, you might want to check out this post on what to do when you’ve wasted so much time in your life.
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Have
You Really Wasted Your Entire
Life?
Let’s just ask this
basic question first – have you really wasted your entire life? Or can you look back on
things and see that you actually did a bunch of things that you are glad that
you did and that you are proud of?
Often, when we are
deep in a negative pattern mindset, we don’t see the things that we can be
appreciative and grateful for. But it is really, really important to keep
looking at those things that and see what we gained by doing those things.
Yes, you may be
frustrated with your life right now, but maybe you can identify some things –
even some tiny little things – that you are actually really glad you did.
Maybe you did
something in the past that you are currently considering to have been a waste,
but, without that, you wouldn’t have been lead to something you now have. Maybe
you did something in the past that, without having done it, you would never
have met your partner. Or maybe if you had done what you thought you should
have done back then you wouldn’t have something else you can be appreciative of
right now, like your kids or house.
For example, I know
I regret not going had after Film Directing earlier on in my life, when I
actually had a good idea that I wanted to do that. But, had I done that, I
might not have worked at a summer camp in America and met my wife. I am,
obviously, very grateful for having done that now.
Now, I get it. I get
that that seems like a stupid exercise and you still feel like you have wasted
your life. But if you can find even one thing that you can be thankful for,
then that will help you feel an element of control that you can build upon. That
one tiny feeling could really help you in moving forwards.
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Yes,
I’ve Wasted My Entire Life. Or Most of it.
Okay, so you’ve
tried the above, thought back on your life, and realised you have nothing, or
hardly anything, that you feel like you can look back on and be glad you did
it. Let’s just rock on under the assumption that that is true. Let’s assume you
have nothing you can be grateful for that you achieved from what you have done.
Well, I guess that
means we have to assume you indeed have wasted your life up until this point.
Well, you know what? That sucks. That really sucks. I can’t lie to you and say
you didn’t waste your time up until this point. Only you know the real answer to
that.
But, even if you
decide you have wasted your life up until this point then I ask – “What
are you going to do about it?”
I am betting that,
right now, you really just want to wallow in the sad feeling of having wasted
your life. I bet you want to sit there and think, “Woe is me, I have
wasted my life”.
But is that how you
really want to spend the REST of your life? Do you really want to sit around
thinking to yourself that you’ve wasted your life and it’s too late for you to
do anything about it? What a waste that would be. What a waste it would be if you
just wallowed in this feeling of self-pity.
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Move
On
It doesn’t really
matter if you feel like you only have one or two, a few, or even no things that
you can be grateful for from what you did in the past; what matters is that you
decide to move on.
You absolutely
cannot sit there wasting the rest of your life because you feel like you’ve
wasted your life up until this point. You have no idea how long you have left
on this planet. You cannot spend that time sitting there in misery wasting more
of it.
Yes, it sucks you
wasted that time. Yes, it sucks that I know I wasted years (read: really over a
decade) not going after my dreams hard enough. But what are you going to do?
What am I going to do? We should not sit there and just continually feel bad about
ourselves, gradually feeling worse and worse! No! What a waste that would be!
You, like I did,
need to get up and move on. You need to decide (and probably continually,
repeatedly decide) that you are going to move on. That you are going to stop
wasting your life and that you are going to go after what you want.
That is exactly what
I did when I felt this way – I simply decided to move on. And, let me tell you,
that was liberating. It was hard, and I have to repeatedly work through this
and repeated do it. But that act of deciding to move on liberates you.
There is one important thing with this decision to move on – you have to commit to it. You cannot just make some “decision” that isn’t-really-a-decision-and-you-know-it’s-not-a-decision-but-you-pretend-it’s-a-decision-anyway. You really have to commit. You have to know that you are going to do whatever it takes to move on. You have to know that, even if (and, frankly, when) you have tough times and feel like you’ve wasted your entire life, you will stop yourself and you will continue the process of moving on. This is a long-term commitment, and you have to decide knowing and committing to yourself that you will stick to it.
This is a good time to note that I will write a post
in the future about how I found a way to stick to my decisions and how I go
about committing now, where I used to find it so hard before. I will update
here when I have done this.
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Take
Responsibility
You need to realise
that everything in your life is a reflection of you. Everything in your life
has come about from the choices you have made. Sure, your background may have
been hard, possibly really hard. But you have choices about how you feel, you have
choices about how you act. You make choices about what you focus on, you make
choices about what you believe, and you make choices about what you are going
to do with your life moving forwards.
Now, forget the
past. Take responsibility for your future. You are responsible for what you do
in the future. You are responsible whether you achieve your goals or not. You
are responsible if you continue to let yourself feel like you have wasted time.
Take responsibility
for yourself. Take responsibility for where you are going to end up. Take
responsibility for what you are going to focus on.
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Don’t
Let Yourself be Limited by Your Past
Do not let your past
limit you. Do not let your past hold you back and keep you looking at the
negatives in life.
You have so much to give. You have so much to offer. I don’t care how old you are, how much time you feel like you’ve wasted, how much time you think you have left. You have so much to offer, and you can achieve so much with the time you do have going forwards.
I mean, do you
really think that the point of your life is to sit there and wallow in misery?
Do you think the point of your life is to be an example of someone who doesn’t
do what they want in life? That does, indeed, waste their life? I really hope
not!
Know that you do have so much to
give. Know that you do
have something valuable to offer and that you have worth. Take that knowledge
and move forwards in style. Move forwards going after life. Move forwards
living life with gusto, accepting everything that it has to offer.
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Stop
Making Excuses
It’s really
important that you realise that everything stopping you is just an excuse. I
know you have probably heard that a lot, but it’s true. Everything is an
excuse. It may feel very real, it may actually be completely valid, but it’s
still an excuse. That’s the problem with excuses: they either seem or are real,
but they serve no purpose other than to hold you back. So just stop giving in
to the excuses, no matter how real they are. They are just holding you back.
This is not to
belittle anyone with very real, very difficult situations. It’s just that,
those situations are either not going to go away any time soon, or they are not
going to change without your input. So the point is not to wait until those
excuses are gone, but to act despite those situations. Don’t let the situations
be excuses, even if they are hard. And maybe you’re screaming, “EASIER
SAID THAN DONE!” at the monitor right now. But does that matter? You still
have to act despite the circumstance. Just don’t let the excuses stop you.
You just have to
commit to yourself that you are either going to find a way through this, or you
are going to make a way through this. Know that you are determined to have your
life be what you know it can be. Know that you can create that if you just take
action and keep going.
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Create
and Keep Momentum
It’s really
important to take that first step out of this mindset. Just one tiny step. The
reason is because that step creates momentum. When you take that first step,
you have ignited a path forwards. When you take that first step, you open up
the future.
And it’s really
important that, after that first step, you keep going. Even if it feels like you aren’t
really getting anywhere, even if it feels like you can’t do what you want to
do, even if it feels like you can’t get out of this pit of misery… You MUST keep going.
Momentum is so
powerful. Momentum will keep you energised. Momentum will help see your goals
come to fruition. If you let yourself stop, you will let yourself go backwards.
Rather than let yourself go backwards, stay in the game and keep yourself
moving forwards.
It may feel hard. It
may take a metric-tonne of energy. It may feel absolutely impossible. But just
keep taking the next step. All the time… take the next step.
And, importantly, remember: if you have a day, a week, a month, whatever, where you falter and you don’t move forwards, or where you get yourself back in your negative mindset, it does not mean you have failed and it does not mean that you will never get there. Just stop. Stop the downward spiral and get back on the staircase upwards. Remember: you made a commitment to yourself that you will keep going even when you falter. So just stop and make a decision to get back on that staircase of positive action. Then take that action. And keep going. And keep going. And keep going.
And when it happens again… keep going.
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It would be great if you would consider buying me a coffee or tipping what you can to help keep the site running and helping people.
Thank you!
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Further reading
If you are looking for some quick advice on dealing with regret, I encourage you to check out these best quotes on regret.
If you know you want to stop wasting your life but you aren’t sure what to do with your life going forwards, check that post out.
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Disclaimer: Nothing on this website should be taken as medical or other professional advice. You should always seek the advice of a professional, qualified person.
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Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}